Guilt,
shame,
isolation,
pain,
helplessness,
frustration,
resignation,
bitterness,
anger,
exhaustion,
discouragement.
These are the "disgrace" of infertility.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
What!???
That's a pretty depressing list. It's from a post I read written by an "infertile" couple who got pregnant after trying for 10 months.
ummmmm......
I'm not saying their experience wasn't real. I appreciate that it was written as a way to reach out and help others with the same struggle. However, as someone who is infertile by it's real definition I was taken back by the dark mood of the post. I was even more taken back by that "disgrace" word. By using disgrace and infertility synonymously the author ostracizes the "infertile" from the "fertile". Like one can never succor the other. But I disagree.
We all grieve. We feel sadness over illnesses, upset marriages and careers, premature deaths, children that never came, marriages that never came, jobs that never came,
naughty children
*Just kidding about that last one ;).
As humans, we grieve. It's a natural part of life's course.
It's a good thing God didn't organize us into clubs over what we would grieve about. The "divorced club", the "my husbands never home club", the "miscarriage club".....
On one hand I have been very blessed by friends who struggle with what I do. They have connected me with resources and offered sweet friendship and understanding. On the other hand there are people who've compassionately expressed their love and friendship to me, even though outwardly we seemed more different than alike. I will remember and cherish their kindness forever. They are all people who have acted on inspiration from God, lifted me up and made me feel loved. In addition to that, no matter who we rally with, reaching out of our box and serving others in spite of seemingly large personal trials humbles us and gives us lasting friendships. I am still realizing this, but
have learned invaluable lessons in the course of trying.
Take a look back at that list. I imagine you can relate to having many of those emotions as a process of grieving over your personal trials. Many parents even experience some of those feelings over the process of raising children!
oh, the irony.
Yes, I've felt depressed, purposeless, despair, etc.... I've grappled with feeling a few all at once then another after working out this one or that one. All seems well for awhile when one of the boogers will re-surface and with the help of God, friends and family, they get stomped away for a time. Simultaneously, I have things to laugh about everyday (thanks to all the funny people in my life). I'm enjoying a stage of my marriage that isn't going to come back. We cherish the many uninterrupted mornings, days, dates, meals, and evenings we've been able to share together. We are so blessed. And you know what? We are a family. Our family isn't finished yet, but it is perfect, because it looks exactly how God wants it to look for now.
Three years after this has become a hardship of mine, I'm fine. Even though I'm not at the end of this trial, I'm okay with having it. In fact, I would not ever want it to be taken away. It took years to be in this place and I've learned many many more things than can fit in a blog post.
I've learned that my struggle with infertility has blessed me to feel gratitude and joy in a magnitude that I would have never known if it were not for my trial. I hope you can sit back and see the same is true for you. Amid the bad and the ugly of your hardships, I hope you can look back and see joy. I hope you can see those joyful moments tasted so much sweeter as a result of the pain and effort your trials required of you!
The more I had that disgraceful post on my mind and
the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to emphatically exclaim, "I am not
disgraced, I am blessed!" I also know I am not alone. I have strong
friends and family who do hard, harder, and more hard things.
As much as it is fact we will grieve, it is fact that we are associated with each other through our link to an all-knowing and all-loving Heavenly Father. We are His children. Brothers and sisters in His "club." There is absolutely nothing that discriminates one of us or the other from being loved by Him. We owe it to ourselves and each-other to do the same.
"True enduring happiness with the accompanying strength, courage, and capacity to overcome the most challenging difficulties comes from a life centered in Jesus Christ. Obedience to His teachings provides a sure foundation upon which to build. That takes effort. There is no guarantee of overnight results, but there is absolute assurance that, in the Lord's time solutions will come, peace will prevail, and emptiness will be filled."
- Elder Richard G. Scott
"True enduring happiness with the accompanying strength, courage, and capacity to overcome the most challenging difficulties comes from a life centered in Jesus Christ. Obedience to His teachings provides a sure foundation upon which to build. That takes effort. There is no guarantee of overnight results, but there is absolute assurance that, in the Lord's time solutions will come, peace will prevail, and emptiness will be filled."
- Elder Richard G. Scott
